


Threaded Through Fate

by Rhysands_wonderland



Series: RJ’s House of Sad Ass Fics [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Major Character Death Aftermath, manga/anime spoilers, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29918505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhysands_wonderland/pseuds/Rhysands_wonderland
Summary: What happens to Levi after the all out battle with Zeke and Erwin dies. In this short story, we’ll see just how Levi copes with his best friend/lovers death and just how far he’ll go to see Erwin again
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Series: RJ’s House of Sad Ass Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2200101
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Threaded Through Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Thanks for reading this fic! It’s only my second fic ever so hopefully it doesn’t suck! Comments are Much appreciated!! Also listen to Touch by sleeping at last to help set the tone for this fic! 
> 
> Hope y’all enjoy!!! 
> 
> ~ RJ 🖤🤍🖤

Levi is flying down the beast titans arms. Slicing everything in his path, desperately trying to destroy the beast who has ruined his life. Ruining the titans arms and goes for the ankles and as Levi is plummeting, heading for the ankles, he swings his blade and strik- 

With a sharp gasp for air Levi wakes with a start, reeling from the nightmare that plagued him everyday. Shooting out of bed he runs for the sink, bile rising in his throat like it does when the nightmares are particularly bad. Retching into the sink Levi glances at the mirror in front of him. The dark circles are becoming more and more permanent. 

A sudden rapping at his door announced the arrival of Hange. “Leviiiiiii are you awake?” they shouted and knocked again. 

“Hange please, not right now.” Levi’s voice cracked, still trying to hold back the bile threatening to spill. 

“Levi please it’s been days. You’ve gotta come out. The brats are worried and frankly so am I.” Hange tried to reason, still on the other side of the door. “You helped me so much after Moblits death, please Levi, let me help you through Erwin’s. Don’t shut me out Levi.” 

Levi could hear the pain coating their every word and it finally hit him. Hange is probably devastated as well considering they are, were the strongest trio of the survey corps. Levi ran the tap to wash the sink and crossed the room to let Hange in. 

Time to face the music I guess.  Levi thought to himself as he set to open the door. When he set his hand on the door he felt a chill behind him and the strangest feeling the someone had set their hand on his shoulder. Just as sudden as it came, the feeling left. 

“Levi I know you’re in front of the door, just fucking let me in before I break the door.” Hange said but any aggression that was meant to be in those words was absent. 

Levi finally felt the momentary shock fade as he opened the door and Hange stepped in and threw their arms around Levi. 

“I’m so sorry hun.” was all they could manage as Levi just stood there. If he was honest nothing has felt real for the past few days until this moment. Hange’s presence in his quarters, their weight around him, brought everything rushing back. Every memory of Erwin came flooding back to him. He hasn’t been held since Erwin held him before riding to his death. He hasn’t seen anyone since returning from the mission where he ran to his no longer shared quartered and locked everyone out. In that moment, Levi felt his knees hit the ground. His chest hurt, agony swept through his body. Pain and Sadness filled everything, and he started to hyperventilate. Hange met him on the floor pulling his head into their shoulder. 

Sobs wrecked through the small man as he finally faced true reality. Erwin was dead. He wasn’t coming back and it was entirely his fault. He had told him he loved him and then told him to die. 

“It shoulda been me Hange, he needs to be here. Everyone needs him, Mikasa could always replace me. No need for two Ackermans.” Levi sobbed while Hange held him in their arms. 

“Levi, he made his choice. We all made our choices that day. I know this is hard Levi but we’ve gotta keep going. If anything please keep going for him.” 

“I don’t want to anymore Hange, i’m tired. I’m tired of losing everyone I love. Anyone close to me dies. I can’t take this anymore Hange. I know it’s selfish but I am so done with all the pain and death.” 

“Levi, please listen to me, I know how much pain you’re in. But please, pull yourself together. At least a little bit. I don’t want to have to stick the brats on you for watch again. You can’t go down the same path you did when Isabel and Farlen died. You know for a fact that Erwin wants you to live a long life, as long as possible. Levi we need you to continue this, to keep all of the plans in motion. I may be the commander but I can’t doing anything without my captain.” 

“I know that Hange, I know he’d be pissed if I tried to follow him to where he is now, but i’m in so much pain. The only man i’ve ever loved died because I didn’t tell him no. I SHOULDN’T HAVE LET HIM GO” Levi screams that last part while his hands shoot up to his hair in an attempt to use the pain to ground himself. 

Hange’s hands immediately chases his, already knowing what he was trying to do. They attempt to gently detangle his hands out of his hair. As a replacement for the touch they know he needs, they start running their hands gently through his hair. “Levi, stop trying to cause yourself more pain. You can’t keep using pain to ground yourself. I know this is hard and this sucks but come on, you know this isn’t what he would want. He never liked it when he was here and he sure as hell wouldn’t now if he could see you.” 

Levis hands dropped and he settled to fidget with the hem of his shirt. Taking a deep breath he tried to steady his voice as he spoke “I, I just miss him so much Hange. We never were able to be out and I told him to go die. I know we both had jobs to finish but i was hoping he’d at least fight me on it. I should have know better but i still hoped. I just want to see him one more time. That all I want.” Levi breathed out shakily, tears a streaming down his face. 

Hange’s fingers left his hair and instead gently lifted the tear soaked face up towards them so they knew he wasn’t alone. “Levi..... you know you can visit him. I know it will never be the same, but his headstone has been full set up. We wanted to wait for you to have the funeral, but we put it up at the very least to honor him until then. It might help you to go visit him. Who knows, maybe by the gods he’s listening. But it’s at least a start to healing. I know the wounds on your soul are still fresh, but even remembering the faintest of love shared between you two might help mend it. I can go with you, or you can go by yourself. Either way, you should go honor him and see him again when you’re ready.” 

Levi pulls his face from their hand and sets to stand. Their right, of course. He needed to go see him, honor him, and remind his late lover of how much he loved him. “You’re right Hange. I need to go see him. It’s what I need, and hopefully, where ever he is, Erwin will hear me.” 

Hange stood as well as Levi went up picked up Erwins cloak and wrapped it around himself. They noted that Levi had cleaned and mended it to the best of his ability. “Do you need me to come with you? You supported me after Moblit, so I’ll be here to help you no matter what Levi.” 

“No Hange, while I’m not okay, and i’m not sure when i will be, this stupid fight of life must go on. The only way I’ll be able to continue is if i go see him. Even if it’s only the shell of the man I loved, it was still him.” Levi finished and walked towards the sink basin to wash his face and rid it of the tears. As he took the cloth and wet it, he saw Hange in the middle of the room eyeing him. “Have something to say four eyes?” 

“Nothing Captain, just kind of surprised how quickly you managed to stop crying. If I didn’t know any better I’d be concerned, but this isn’t the first, and it probably won’t be the last. If you need anything, you know where to find me. Go see him Levi, make he knows you love him.” Hange trailed off as the walked out of his quarters and shut the door. As almost on cue, the tears started rolling down Levi’s face again.  DAMNIT Levi thought as he punched the mirror, but not hard enough for it to break. He knew he needed to pull himself together enough to get out without being bothered. Attempting to do just that, Levi took a few deep breathes and washed his face once again. 

A few minutes later, Levi felt his pulse steady and his face felt less flushed. Feeling as prepared as he ever could, Levi walked across the room and rested his hand on the door handle. With one final sigh, he slowly turned the handle and left his room to go visit the man he loved most in the world. 


End file.
